Freeborn, Western Fiction, KBY Books

(ISBN 09745338-31), 240 pages, Hardcover  -  List Price - US$27.95

“Nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  I’m gonna eat a worm.”
... Jesse James, circa 1878, or so he supposedly claimed.

"I hope you have that braille bustier on.  Whenever I catch you, I’m gonna want to read."  ... Myopic Bandit, Freeborn regular.

Characters and Quotes

 
Freeborn Character, Audrey May NaterAudrey May Nater
The beautiful blond daughter of the Mayor and his wife, who, from the age of three, peered in the direction of the bandit's son and saw more than the potential for a shot to the hip.

Freeborn Quote - “Oh, don't worry about him.  He won't.  My father is too afraid you'll kill me,
or him, or the rest of the town, that's all.”

Freeborn Character, Woody JamesWoody James
Son of Jesse and Sylvia Jane, Woody James was an upstanding, straight forward and educated member of the community.  But only the mother and Calamine Annie, the prostitute friend, knew it.

Freeborn Quote - “Yes, ... and I've gotta go save her.  Sheriff Dan couldn't save himself from
butter."  It was doubtful Sheriff Dan could save himself from margarine or lard either.

Jesse James
Jesse James
The notorious outlaw from St. Joseph's, Missouri, who terrorized the west from the end of the Civil War until his death with a series of escapades that filled the headlines of U.S. newspapers.
 
Freeborn Quote - "Ah, ... nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me.  I'm gonna eat a worm.
Aaah, nobody likes me.  Everybody hates me...”

Frank James
Older brother of Jesse, who along with the Younger Brothers robbed many a stagecoach,
bank, and train for twenty years from Missouri to the Dakotas, and lived to an old age, despite his penchant for long winded explanations.

Freeborn Quote - “But I think we’ve got enough product to put together a pretty nice
catalog.  Don’t know how we’re gonna sell from here.  Not sure of the rules and regulations of trading between Mexico and the United States, what with the tariffs and taxes and all.  They should really put together some type of free trade zone, ... maybe even stretching all the way up to Canada.” 

Sylvia Jane Lansford
Confident dancing girl, Sylvia Jane Landsford, whose strong, fine features born from dark Irish stock and equal demeanor indicated something everybody in Freeborn already knew, ... that she could be the James' brothers only equal in  this town.

Freeborn Quote - “Kinda hoping that posse might catch up to you,” Sylvia Jane retorted
with a combination of accuracy, sarcasm, and desire; it was hard to determine which purpose
had a larger bite.

Mayor Milton Nater
After all, the Mayor put a lot of confidence in good stock and was ineffective, but even he was stronger than Sheriff Dan, just look at the school system and public works department.

Freeborn Quote - “Well, young lady.  You can feel sorry for that man if you want,
but he's bad news, comes from bad stock, ... so I don't ever want to see you talking to him
again, you hear.”

Calamine Annie
Calamine Annie was certainly sweet, as sweet as molasses sugar on butter milk pancakes and honey-coated raisins, as nice as a baby lamb and a grandmother’s hug, but not working toward her master's degree in, ... anything.

Freeborn Quote - “Neither rain, nor snow, nor poison of ivy or oak shall keep Annie from her appointed rounds.”

Henrietta Parks
A Freeborn busybody of cellulite and corn pone who was always sticking her
nosy proboscis into the town's business.

Freeborn Quote - “Why don’t you leave here, you son of a bandit?  Nobody likes you here.
Don't you know that!  Everybody hates you.  Nobody wants you here.”

Sheriff Dan
Sheriff Dan wanted to last more than six months on his job as well, and had goals, just none that included challenging the bandits to change their evil ways.

Freeborn Quote - “Oh, damn it,” Sheriff Dan lamented, chewing on the cuticle of the finger
next to his thumb.  “Phew, ... a hangnail.  Gotta be concerned about how this will affect my
trigger finger, don’t you think?”

Sarah Nater
Wife of the Mayor and mother to Audrey May, whose patience with the ineptitude of the Freeborn sheriff grows thinner than an onion during a dinner peel.

Freeborn Quote - “Now choose your damn weapons in less than five seconds or the next tickle you ever have down there will be during your upcoming prostate exam.  And if I’m guessing correctly, the doc hasn’t even perfected that one yet.”

The Myopic Bandit
Regular bandit in the Freeborn revelry who played chase with the "dancing girls" of the Que Sera, Sera Saloon and Brothel, despite an astigmatism.

Freeborn Quote - “Aha, so we're going to play it that way tonight.  Fine, foreplay for the blind.  I hope you have that braille bustier on.  Whenever I catch you, I’m gonna want to read.”